On Graduation

Today is technically my last day of high school ever... and I don't really care.
 I have had some amazing classes and teachers this year and I do not hesitate to proclaim that it was in this year that I learned the most. I took interesting courses and I took control of my learning. I was also fortunate enough to receive a lot of inspiration. I might go as far as to say that this was my best year of high school. I loved it and as I move on I will deeply miss the teachers who have given me inspiration and the classes that I enjoyed so much.
 So why am I so apathetic in regards to today being my last day? That is a very good question
 The answer is that I am not. It felt like that at first but not so much now that I've really thought about it. There will be some people who I certainly will not miss be it classmates who I did not like and teachers who didn't seem to appreciate me as a person and showed it quite clearly. I would never agree with the statement that I loved high school because there were moments when I sure as hell didn't.
 The reason I feel as though I do care about leaving high school is because it was a HUGE part of my life in which I changed a lot. I'm not eleven years old anymore. I feel as though the only thing that hasn't really changed since then is the fact that I want to be a writer now just as much as I did back then. It was this year in which I realized I need to write and that it isn't something optional for me.
 I have obviously known I would be leaving prior to now but the realization of what this actually constitutes only just hit. I will not be having classes there, no more six day rotation schedule, no more music classes with the same teacher who I have had since I started at my high school 5 years ago, no more caf lunches and no more hanging out in the library where I have spent many hours. Most kids don't go through a major life change in high school. The last time we did this was in grade six when our view of the world and others was much smaller. I know that there will be other teachers who I will love and will make me think, other cafeteria lunches, other classes and other libraries in my future but it is extremely strange to think that they won't be the same ones.
 High school was that new pair of pants you get your mum to buy for you. You fall in love with them and excitedly wear them out of the store. Sure, they're a little long in the legs but you'll grow into them, and you do.
You wear those pants every day at first, proudly showing them off. After a while you get a bit tired of them but still wear them frequently. eventually they fade in the washing machine and there are a few rips that weren't there before. They become too short in the legs and a struggle to pull up to your hips. They won't button anymore. You hang them up in your closet in case you want to wear them one more time. You sadly glance at them every morning but don't care enough to try to put them on, they don't fit. One day you realize you have to give them away so you do. You are happy that you no longer have to look at them knowing that they cannot fit but you are sad at the same time. It brought you comfort knowing that they were still there in your closet for you to take out at any moment but you realize you can always find something that actually fits you to fill the space where those pants once were.

It is interesting how "graduation" seems to come from the same root as "gradual", I'm beginning to feel like there is some sense to that....